Dreaming Dark and Dangerous
by Courage and Love
Summary: Things are not as they seem in Gravity Falls. Okay, things are always like that in Gravity Falls. But when Mabel falls in love with the most unlikely character in the bunch, Dipper becomes suspicious and questions are raised. What is so mysterious about this stranger? And why does he have an interest in Mabel? Set before Weirdmageddon.
1. The Beginning

A shadow flickered through the room.

It floated across the walls and between the hundreds of jars and objects that filled the shelves. The shadow's owner was looking for something.

A journal, to be exact. Or two.

He knew he couldn't take them. There were thousands of spells and enchantments keeping him from laying a hand on them.

But he was not here to steal them anyway. He was here for something inside them.

The shadow leisurely drifted past the strange things in the room and stopped at a desk. The two journals were on it, propped up against a rack.

He didn't like the good magic keeping him away. But all he needed was a small breeze…

At his command, a gust of wind pushed the second book open. The shadow hovered, skipping through the journal, until he found what he needed.

"Ha," he said aloud. "The game begins."

And suddenly, the owner of the shadow made himself visible. He was ready to put his plan into action.

What was he? Not a human, no.

A dream demon by the name of Bill Cipher.

 **XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

"DIPPER!"

Dipper winced at Mabel's voice. Here he was, minding his own business in the attic, and something just _had_ to go wrong.

He poked his head downstairs. Mabel was walking backwards out of the kitchen, holding a brownie pan over her head.

"DIPPE – Oh, there you are!" she said, looking over her shoulder. Just then, a muffled sound thumped in the kitchen. It happened again. And again.

"Uh, by any chance did you pour the special syrup I got on your pancakes?" Dipper asked.

"Pfft, no," Mabel said, lowering her pan. "Waddles took the jar when I was getting it out of the fridge."

Dipper clenched his fists. "And what did he do with it?"

"Umm," Mabel started, but his question was answered for her. As the thumping got louder, a small grey object appeared in the doorway.

It was a rock.

"Waaaaahhh!" Dipper cried, recoiling more from surprise than fear.

Mabel whacked it with her brownie pan, but it didn't do anything.

"You're the nerdy one, what do we do?" she yelled.

Dipper calmed down and laughed. "Mabel, you should be glad you didn't drop the syrup on a more dangerous object. It instantly brings life to whatever it touches."

"What does that mean?"

"You have a pet rock."

"Oh." Mabel smiled and dropped the brownie pan. "That's _wow_!"

She picked up the rock. It hopped up and down in her palm.

"What should we name it, Dipper?" she asked.

Dipper shrugged. "Gideon?"

Mabel scrunched up her face. "No way!" she said.

Dipper thought about it. He didn't especially care what they named it as long as it wouldn't attack them, but it was for Mabel's sake. "How about Marquavious?"

His sister brightened. "Sure! I'm going to go find Marquavious a birdcage!"

With that, she bounded out the door.

Neither of them noticed the triangle-shaped shadow follow her outside.


	2. Birch Ellpi

"Oh, Dip _per_!"

Dipper sighed at hearing his name for the second time that day. He folded the newspaper that he had been attempting to read. "What is it, Mabel?"

Mabel bounded into the kitchen, jumping up and down. She wasn't holding a birdcage.

Dipper frowned. "Where's Marquavious?"

Mabel stopped bouncing. "Who?" she asked.

Dipper blinked. She had to be joking. "Never mind."

Mabel resumed bouncing. "So guess what?"

Dipper returned to his newspaper. "What?" he asked resignedly.

"I got a new boyfriend!" she squealed. Not giving him time to process the information, she darted into the hall and brought out the subject of her enthusiasm.

Dipper glanced up wearily, but his eyes widened upon seeing the boy.

He was tall, a teenager about Wendy's age, with short blond hair and mirrored shades. He was wearing a brightly-colored suit, which seemed odd, but it was nothing compared to the strange look he was giving Dipper. It was almost… a smile.

Dipper sat up a little straighter. He felt almost like he knew this guy….

"Yo," the boy said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "The name's Birch. Birch Ellpi."

He was still smiling creepily at Dipper. He still looked familiar.

"Um, new here?" Dipper asked. He felt sure he'd never heard of Birch Ellpi before in his life, yet that face kept nagging at him.

The guy shrugged. "Yeah. So you're… Dipper?"

Dipper nodded cautiously.

Birch's face split into a grin that showed far too many teeth. "Amazing! Well, I'll be off! See you, tootsie!"

To the revulsion of Dipper, he kissed Mabel on the cheek and waltzed out the door.

"What was that about?" Dipper asked.

Mabel came off cloud nine long enough to glare at her brother. "Birch was just being his wonderful self," she snapped. Her eyes glazed over again. "When I found him in the woods, he was just darling!"

Dipper frowned as his sister practically floated upstairs.

Something was off about that Birch Ellpi fellow. And Dipper was going to figure out what.

Just then, the front door slammed. "Kids!" Grunkle Stan shouted. "Help me put away the groceries!"

He came into the kitchen with a fully-loaded shopping cart. None of the groceries were in bags.

"Did you –?" he started.

"What you don't know can't be used against you by the police," his uncle interrupted, confirming his suspicions.

Dipper sifted curiously through the goods. "Why did you steal a pack of baby diapers?" he asked.

Stan shrugged, heading into the gift shop. "You never know."

Dipper followed him. The gift shop of the Mystery Shack was as crowded as always – which was to say, almost completely empty.

Dipper looked up when the bell tinkled. Wendy rushed in, for once looking ruffled. Her eyes were wide, and she was clutching photocopied papers in her hand.

"Guys," she said, "do you mind if I put some flyers up in the shop?"

Dipper looked over her shoulder. The papers in her hands had the same picture on each of them.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Dude," Wendy said, making eye contact with him. "You remember Lee?"

Dipper did. He was cool, one of Wendy's friends.

"What happened?" he asked.

She thrust a flyer at him. "He went missing yesterday."

Dipper stared at the picture. He couldn't believe it. "But what happened?" he asked again.

Wendy's tone was ominous. "He was at Tambry's party two nights ago. It was really wild, and we all went home at dawn. He decided to take a shortcut – I know, horrible idea – and we never heard from him again after that."

"Hm," said Grunkle Stan. Dipper had forgotten he was there. "And you want to put up posters for him?"

Wendy shrugged. "Yeah. So, do you mind? It might help."

Stan took a glance at one of the flyers. "I mind," he said.

"Come on –" Wendy started.

"Would you work overtime for the next two weeks?"

"See you," Wendy said, spinning around and walking out the door.

Stan shrugged, sorting money in the cash register.

Dipper, however, was beginning to think. Lee had gone missing yesterday. Something was up.

And he had to do something about it.


	3. Soul Mates

**TOFFEEEE! (Why did I just say that?)**

Dipper snatched Journal 3 from the counter and hurried upstairs. His mind was spinning out entirely plausible theories to Lee's disappearance: attacked by gnomes, captured by witches, or maybe even gravely injured by a Gremloblin. And then there was the more _outlandish_ theories, such as Lee just having gotten lost, or pulling a prank on his friends.

Dipper stopped in the middle of the hallway. _When did those sort of things become unusual?_

He shook his head at the ridiculousness of it all and walked into his bedroom. He could ask Ford for ideas once his intrepid grunkle returned from his trip tonight.

He wasn't at all prepared for the sight that awaited him inside his room.

Mabel was standing on her bed, pasting bedazzled pictures all over the wall. Dipper was appalled to realize that she was straying onto his side of the room.

"What are you _doing_?" he asked.

Mabel didn't turn around, too busy with her project. "I'm brightening up the room!" she said cheerfully.

Dipper groaned. "Why?"

Mabel finally turned away from the wall, and Dipper could see the pictures that she'd put up. All of them were of her and Birch Ellpi.

"Because I've found my _soul mate_!" she gushed, hopping off her bed and running up to Dipper.

He took a step back. "Um, Mabel," he began, wondering how to break it gently, "you realize this is bordering on obsessive?"

Okay. He wasn't known for being tactful or polite. But his sister took it to a different level.

"Obsessive?" she shrieked. " _I'm_ obsessive? Tell that to Wendy! I'm not obsessive! For your information, Dipper, my boyfriend professes his love for me every day! Did you know that, huh? My love for him is requited!"

Dipper's eyes widened. That rant was so unlike Mabel, it scared him. "I'm over Wendy, you know," he muttered.

Mabel was breathing hard. She narrowed her eyes. "I'm leaving. Birch and I are going to dinner."

With that, she left the room.

Dipper collapsed on his bed, dropping the journal next to him. What on earth was wrong with his sister? Yet another mystery to solve.

Sometimes he wished for someone to lend a hand and help him. At the start of the summer, Mabel had joined him on their adventures, but even before she'd met Birch, she'd began to be reluctant to help him.

Dipper sighed. There was too much for him to do alone.

The sound of tires on gravel reached his ears. Ford was home.

Forgetting his exhaustion, Dipper sat up and flew down the stairs. He met his grunkle at the door, hopping up and down.

"How was it?" he asked, not giving Ford a chance to answer. "Did you discover any big secrets, or shoot down monsters, or whatever you do on secret trips?"

Ford patted him on the head, which made Dipper bounce even harder. Before he could ask any more questions, though, Ford said, "My excursions are top-secret for a reason. But right now I'm hungry. When's dinner?"

Dipper wilted. "Now, I guess," he said, unhappy to not be hearing Ford's stories. "Grunkle Stan!"

Stan Pines poked his head out of the kitchen. His fez was lopsided and smoking.

He surveyed Ford and Dipper. "Dinner's going to be late," he said, popping back into the kitchen.

Ford shrugged. "Ah, well, now I can ask you about your sister."

Dipper couldn't believe his ears. "What?"

Ford stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Yeah. I saw her outside, walking into the woods with a boy. Does she have a new boyfriend now?"

Dipper nodded, dumbstruck. Why was Mabel going into the woods? She'd told him that she and Birch would be going out to eat.

"Um, I've got something to ask you too," he said.

Ford raised an eyebrow.

Dipper cleared his throat nervously. "Mabel was acting really weird today… yelling at me and everything…. Do you think there's a reason?"

Ford laughed. "Dipper, there are many magical things that affect behavior. Poisoned mushrooms, for one. Knowing your sister, she probably ate a handful of them. And it could be just a normal, regular thing that has to do with her tween social life. Whatever the case, she should be her usual self soon."

A clatter came from the kitchen, and Grunkle Stan shouted, "Dinner! Come before it explodes!"

Ford, unconcerned, walked into the kitchen, leaving Dipper with the uncomfortable feeling that someone was watching him.


	4. Just Like Magic

Mabel skipped along after her boyfriend into the forest. This was going to be an amazing day! She could feel it already. First they would go for a romantic walk in the woods, then he would get down on one knee and propose to her… oh, how her heart soared with happiness!

Birch Ellpi smiled at her. "Follow me, tootsie. I've got a special surprise planned."

Mabel couldn't suppress her excitement. Finally! They were going to make preparations for the wedding! They could get a triangular, seven-layer cake made of chocolate and sweetness!

"Hey, Shooting Star," her boyfriend said, waving a gloved hand in front of her face. "Earth to tootsie."

Mabel blinked. "Sorry," she said. "I was just picturing our future together!"

An expression flickered across Birch's face, too fast for Mabel to see clearly. It looked almost like… _revulsion_ , but it couldn't be. Mabel chided herself for even thinking like that.

"So, where are we going?" she asked brightly, skipping faster to keep up.

"I have a special meeting place, tootsie," he said. "You are going to love it, guaranteed!"

And guaranteed it was. They walked into a clearing that was so beautiful, it made Mabel almost faint.

The grass was so perfect and green, with little butterflies flitting around the colorful flowers, and it swayed gently in the warm breeze. The circle of trees surrounding them seemed more alive than the rest of the forest.

And on the ground, a red and white checkered picnic blanket was spread out with a basket that smelled of all the heavenly things Mabel could imagine.

All in all, this place was so perfect, it was just like magic.

"This is amazing!" she gushed, spinning around in a daze. "I wish Waddles could see this place!"

Birch frowned. "Waddles?"

It took Mabel a moment to remember what she had been talking about. "Um… he's… my absolutely _marvelous_ pig," she recalled. Yes. Why had she forgotten for a moment?

Birch's expression cleared. "Ah, the pig. I remember."

Mabel didn't think to ask her boyfriend how he knew Waddles. She'd probably just told him once, anyway.

"So, toots, let's eat!" he said suddenly, taking a seat on the picnic blanket.

"Okay!" Mabel replied, plopping down next to him. She inhaled the amazing scent of whatever was in the basket, trying to think of what could smell so delicious.

In one fluid motion, Birch opened the picnic basket and pulled out a mouthwatering plate of pancakes, a gallon-size bucket of popcorn, two vending machine sodas, and some candy.

"Oh my gosh!" Mabel exclaimed. "How'd you know? This is all my favorite food!"

She dove in, wolfing down half the pancakes in three seconds flat. While working on the popcorn, she asked with her mouth full, "Don' you won' some?"

Birch sat back, smiling. "No thanks, tootsie. I already ate."

Mabel shrugged and continued to devour the pile of junk food. She was amazed that Birch was such a thoughtful boyfriend. He was so much nicer than… what was his name?

Mabel shrugged and went back to eating. The food really was out of this world. When she looked up at Birch again, she couldn't help thinking again how handsome he was.

"So, I was wondering," he said, leaning back. "What're you doing tomorrow night?"

Mabel scowled. "I have to go to a _family dinner_. But I'd much rather spend it with you!"

Birch only smiled wide. "How about I join you? I'm sure your family is dying to meet me."

Mabel twisted the sleeve of her sweater. "Well, Dipper and I kind of got into a fight. He's being a jerk, so he probably told everyone bad things about you."

"Oh?" Birch said, raising a perfect eyebrow. "Then that's all the more reason to come."

He leaned in close to Mabel. "Also," he said, "can I ask a favor, toots? Try to get along with your brother. I'd hate for you to… have a _lasting disagreement_."

Mabel nodded glumly. "But he was insulting you," she said defensively.

Birch smiled again. "Like I said, I'd be happy to accompany you to dinner tomorrow night. It'll just be me, you, your brother, and Stan, right?"

Mabel brightened. "I think so!"

Birch's smile widened more, and he lifted off his mirrored shades. His normal, dark brown eyes gazed into hers. "Good, then, tootsie," he said. "See you in your dreams!"

And with that, he stood up and walked into the forest. Mabel sighed absentmindedly. Oh, Birch Ellpi was wonderful. She wanted desperately to see him in her dreams for sure.

Mabel stretched. All that food had made her tired already. Hoping it would be true, she curled up on the picnic blanket and dozed off.

Birch Ellpi lingered in the forest, chocolate-colored eyes locked on his girlfriend. "See you tomorrow, tootsie," he said, laughing quietly.

 **So. You probably think you know what's up with Birch. But read closely. You might find some... different details. Is there a reason? Why am I so vague? You'll see.** ** _You'll see..._**


	5. You're Dreaming

**Before we begin, I must say that I do ship Dipcifica, but that is** **not** **going to be the main focus of this. This is solely saving-the-world Gravity Falls, coupled with Mabel x Birch (whoever he is).**

 **Additionally, I'd like to apologize for any OOC-ness in Stan and Ford. Just in case.**

Mabel blinked awake. She was lying outside the Mystery Shack. What had happened? Birch had swept her off her feet, she knew. They had eaten a picnic. Then she had fallen asleep. Had he moved her here while she was sleeping?

The smallest bit of doubt chased itself inside her mind. Had she dreamed the whole date?

No, she decided. When she saw Birch again, he would tell her that it had happened. It couldn't have been a dream.

Could it?

 **XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

The next morning was still and calm.

Not a resident of Gravity Falls was out and about. Cars were abandoned on the sides of the roads, their owners not yet awoken. A random tumbleweed blew past the telephone poles, which were covered in MISSING PERSON flyers. Lee was yet to be found.

Dipper was on one of these quiet streets, lugging a box of oddities for the Mystery Shack behind him. His arms shook with the effort.

"Stupid… can't believe… Stan…" he muttered, heaving the crate down the sidewalk. Stan Pines had woken him up at four a.m. that morning. And for what? To make him do his dirty work!

He gave up trying to pull the box and instead went around to the other side to try pushing it. He got about an inch farther, however, when a shadow fell over him.

"What are you _doing_?"

Dipper looked up to see the owner of the snobby voice: Pacifica Northwest.

"What do you want?" he replied, collapsing on top of the box. Normally, he would've reacted even harsher, but after she saved them all from a ghost at Northwest manor, he held more respect for her. Even if he didn't say so.

Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Like I'd want anything from you." She failed to mention that she had come to Dipper for help during the haunting at her mansion. "I was just going for a walk."

Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Okay…."

"Look," she said, putting a hand on her hip, "I'm not joking. Like, Sergei says I should experience nature more, and exercise is, like, good for my figure." She rolled her eyes again.

Dipper waited.

Pacifica blushed. "Okay, I kind of… got in trouble with my parents."

Dipper whistled. "I'm impressed," he said sarcastically.

Pacifica glared at him. "Hey, it's all your fault, anyway. If it wasn't for you, I'd still…."

She trailed off. If it wasn't for Dipper, she'd still be ruled by her parents.

"Well, whatever," she said instead, giving him no time to argue. "See you, loser."

Dipper watched her go, fuming. She could have offered to help him move his box. Or did she not see fit to do such strenuous activities alongside peasants?

Whatever. He knew she wasn't so bad anymore. Going back to his duties, he continued to shove the box down the sidewalk.

 **XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

When Dipper arrived at the Mystery Shack, he saw Mabel out front, doodling in a notebook. He could just guess what she was drawing: her boyfriend.

"Hi, Dipper!" she shouted perkily, waving to him. Apparently their earlier fight had been forgotten.

"Hi," he responded cautiously, heaving the box of oddities up the steps. Craning his neck, he proved his suspicions. There was a flowery and romanticized picture of Birch Ellpi covering the page.

"What's in the box?" she asked, hopping over to him. Unbeknownst to Dipper, she was wondering whether whatever it was would make a good wedding present for Birch.

"I don't –" he started, but just then the front door swung open and Grunkle Stan walked out.

"Great! I can't believe you brought it!" he said, lifting up the box with ease. Dipper slumped, realizing the futility of his own strength.

"What is it?" Mabel squealed eagerly.

Stan chuckled. "Ford owes me ten bucks!" he said, opening the box. "I can't believe you actually did it!"

"What?" Dipper asked, but when he caught sight of the contents, he drooped even more.

It was filled with rocks. That's it.

"What?" he managed again.

Stan roared with laughter. "This isn't for the Mystery Shack, Dipper, it's for our amusement!"

Grunkle Ford popped into view. "He did it?" he asked. "He didn't even look inside?"

"You owe me!" Stan replied, still laughing. "Pay in cash, baby!"

Dipper, angry beyond measure, pushed past them and ran upstairs. Even _Ford_ of all people was mocking him! He didn't even stop to realize that Mabel hadn't taken part in the teasing, so busy was she with her drawing.

As he sat, furious, on his bed, he heard her speak below. It came out muffled, but he could still hear her ask, "Can I invite my amazing boyfriend over for dinner tonight?"

"Sure, why not?" he heard Grunkle Stan answer.

"What's his name?" Ford added.

"Birch Ellpi," Mabel gushed. "He's _fabulous_."

"Yeah, okay," said Stan. "While we're at it, why not invite that rich brat, Pacifica? Make it a double date for you guys?"

This was followed by another round of loud laughter. Dipper groaned and buried his face in his hands. This was going to be one heck of a night.


	6. The Plot Thickens

**Hey, guys! I just watched the new episode, "Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future," and it was scary-awesome. I seriously cannot wait for the next episode. For this fanfiction, though, keep in mind that it takes place before that episode.**

Birch Ellpi arrived at exactly 6:00 in the evening. Oddly enough, he arrived the moment the clock struck six.

"Hi, Birch!" Mabel squealed, grabbing his arm. He was wearing a banana-yellow suit, which Dipper found uncomfortable to look at, although he couldn't figure out why.

Mabel's boyfriend recoiled for a millisecond but bounced back immediately with a wide smile. "How are you, toots?" he asked, pulling her off him. To Dipper, he said, "Nice to see you, Pines! You look well, I see."

Dipper eyed him grumpily. For some reason, it felt to him like that sentence was more of a challenge than a conversation starter.

Mabel hopped up and down excitedly. "I'm so glad you're here!" she gushed, ignoring her brother and dragging Birch into the kitchen. Dipper followed them sullenly, not taking his eyes off the well-dressed interloper.

Grunkle Stan had set up a plastic table where the usual table was with a cheap tablecloth on top. He'd set up six places. Dipper noticed that he'd put the forks and knives in the wrong places, not to mention folding the napkins like a drunken four year old.

Ford's reaction to the table was the way Dipper imagined. "What did you _do_?" he exclaimed upon entering the kitchen. "Fifty years in my house, and you never learned how to set a table?"

"What do you expect?" Stan replied with annoyance, glaring at his brother. "I was a little busy, trying to _save you_."

The younger twins glanced at each other with worried expressions. For once, Mabel was thinking about something other than Birch. Both of them were wondering if it would ever be possible for their great uncles to care about each other again like they once had.

Their worry made Dipper take a moment to notice the look on Birch's face. He appeared to be a shade paler than usual, and he was slowly inching backwards.

"Is something wrong?" Dipper asked accusingly.

Birch adjusted his expression, smiling once more. "Not a thing."

Ford looked away from Stan to frown at Birch. "Are you wearing eye contacts, young man?"

Dipper wondered what piqued the question, but Birch answered calmly, "Yeah, I am, for vision, you know. You know what? I just remembered; I have a _prior engagement_. Truly sorry, but I must be leaving."

With that, he strode right out of the kitchen and out the door.

Mabel's face fell. "Birch, wait!" she cried, running after him.

Argument forgotten for the time being, Grunkle Stan huffed, "Talk about rude." He stretched and accompanied Ford out of the room. "Well, more Stancakes for us!"

Dipper frowned. How bad at cooking could Stan be to make breakfast food for dinner? And more importantly, why had Birch left? Somehow he doubted it was because of a "prior engagement".

Just then, the doorbell rang.

Dipper practically jumped. He wondered if Mabel was back, with or without her mysterious boyfriend. But then he heard Stan shout from the living room, "Dipper! I'm too lazy to get up! Get the door, would you?"

Dipper remembered who else was coming and drooped a few inches. _Pacifica_.

Okay, she wasn't so bad anymore. But he was reluctant to invite her over.

Walking as slow as possible, he headed to the front door and threw it open. A bewildered Pacifica stood there.

"Dipper?" she said. "Why is your sister following Lumberjack Girl's friend Lee into the forest? And honestly, he looks like a punk accountant in that suit."

Dipper blinked. He hadn't been expecting that. Then he registered what she'd actually said.

"What do you mean, Lee?" he asked. "Didn't you hear? Lee's gone missing."

Pacifica rolled her eyes. "I don't care what happens to the _farmhands_." She looked suddenly uncomfortable, though, as if thinking about the "farmhand" in front of her.

Dipper decided not to tell her that they were, in fact, in the _suburbs_ , and not the rural area. He doubted she'd know the difference, anyway. They had more pressing matters at hand.

"But what do you mean?" he repeated. "How could Lee just come out of nowhere and…?"

He trailed off, realization hitting him.

"Lee," he said again. Pacifica looked at him like he was nuts.

A weight dropped into his stomach. He needed to get to Mabel, _now_.

"You're not that hungry, are you?" he asked Pacifica at once.

"I guess not…" she said, still baffled.

Dipper nodded, grabbing a flashlight from the cluttered corner table. "Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! We're going outside!" he shouted.

To Pacifica, he said, "Good, because dinner's going to be a while."


	7. Puzzle Pieces

**Sorry if this chapter is confusing, or complicated, or not understandable, or if it doesn't make sense, but it's the plain, hard truth. And also, it's not edited by Love, so yeah.**

Birch Ellpi, also known as the missing resident of Gravity Falls, led Mabel into the forest.

She had initially gone after him to plead for him to come back, but he had surprised her by telling her that, in reality, he had left because he was planning their _wedding_. He was going to wait, but now that she had come after him, he could marry them in the forest straight away.

Mabel hesitated as he pulled her into the forest. "Isn't this a little… rushed?" she asked, wavering.

Birch turned to look at her with annoyance and a trace of anxiousness. "No, no, Shooting Star," he said soothingly. Under his breath, though, he muttered, "Not rushed enough, it seems."

Mabel didn't notice. She shrugged off her indecision and took his hand again, walking deeper into the forest.

"Will you actually eat dinner with my family sometime, though?" she asked. "I mean, my grunkles are dying to meet you, and you kind of blew them off."

Birch's expression darkened, but not enough to be detected. "Yeah, sure, tootsie," he said. "Although, you didn't tell me about Stanford."

Mabel cocked her head like a puppy. "Why does it matter?" she asked.

Birch shrugged, smiling once more. "It doesn't really. It's just a matter of _etiquette_."

Mabel nodded, finding the answer perfectly acceptable. She gazed at the grassy path dotted with small white flowers as they continued walking.

"Mabel, tootsie," Birch said after a moment. "Do you recall what I said about our honeymoon location?"

Mabel smiled. How could she forget?

"Of course," she said. "You said you'd take me to the most _dazzling_ place in the universe!"

Birch beamed. "Exactly! But for us to get there, I need a little something from you, remember?"

Mabel nodded; they had spoken about it before, the moment they first met. Funnily enough, it was love at first sight.

"I remember," she said, waving a hand. "We need the snow globe thing. I can't wait!"

 **XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

Dipper ran into the forest as fast as he could, Pacifica in tow.

"Where did you see them go?" he asked, breathing hard.

Pacifica, not used to running either and wincing after every step, replied, "I don't know. Over there, maybe? And why does it matter?"

Dipper stopped and turned around to look at her, annoyance written all over his face. He sighed. "Mabel has a boyfriend named Birch. I've never seen him before, and simply put, I hate him."

"And that's out of the ordinary?" Pacifica muttered. In exasperation, she cast off her cumbersome high heels, chucking them into the marsh.

"That's not all," Dipper continued. "Now that I think about it, he appeared the same time Lee went missing. The only thing is, he looks absolutely nothing like Lee."

"That guy? His outfit was atrocious, but I recognized him," Pacifica said.

Dipper slapped his forehead. "That's right! You recognized him because you're, like, a fashion guru, or whatever. I bet if I asked you who the last customer at any of the mall shops that day was, you'd say it was Lee!"

It was perfect. It all fit. Dipper was pleased that he had figured it out, so much so that he could ignore what it meant for Mabel.

Pacifica flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Um, yeah. At the tanning salon, the last customer was Senior Francis Flaggerbottom the Third, in Coolz Clothz, Queen Esmerelda von Shmiggerdong, in Edgy on Purpose it was Dreary Blahblah Nosering, and at Hair Dying and Bleach…"

She stopped suddenly. "Well, that's not important."

Dipper smirked. "Was her name Pacifica Northwest?"

"No!" she said heatedly, then muttered, "It was Pacifica _Elise_ Northwest."

Hm. He knew her hair was fake. Moving on.

"Anything out of the ordinary?" he pressed. "Lee? No Lee? A guy by the name of Birch Ellpi?"

Pacifica wrinkled her nose. "I don't keep track of the _public_."

"Come on. I know you know. You know these things."

Pacifica ducked her head. "Oh, fine," she mumbled. "I saw him, I think. He was in the All Purpose Store for Changing Your Ordinary Appearance. Nose jobs, plastic surgery, they've got it all. Anyway, don't ask what he was doing, I wasn't paying attention."

Dipper nodded, lost in thought. They had all the pieces, except the most important one. Why had Lee dropped under the radar with an assumed name and a different appearance? And, more importantly, why was he dating Mabel?

There were too many variables, and only one way to get an answer. They had to find Birch Ellpi and confront him.

"Now," he said to Pacifica, "lead the way."

"I already told you, I don't know where they went!" she snapped. "I hate this forest, I hate this mud, and I hate this stupid –"

"Shh," Dipper said suddenly. "Did you hear that?"

The forest had gone eerily quiet, and in the dark, both of them felt unexpectedly frightened. But amid the deafening silence, the sound of voices drifted into their hearing range.

"…Mabel, tootsie, for the wedding, I was thinking we could make a grand entrance, maybe with flying geese and some music. I really like works by Queen Mary, what do you think?"

Dipper whispered to Pacifica, "Birch."

They crept closer to where the speaking was coming from, until they could see Birch/Lee in the darkness, standing over something in a clearing. Dipper squinted, trying to make out the object, and nearly gasped when he realized that it was Mabel, lying on the ground.

"Yes, I guess so, Shooting Star," Birch continued after a pause, as if he was continuing a conversation only he could hear. "But I personally prefer the King Henry VIII playlist to Sev'ral Timez."

"Wasn't King Henry VIII that guy who had, like, six wives?" Pacifica asked in a whisper.

"And killed two of them," Dipper responded, wondering with morbid fascination exactly what that playlist sounded like.

They watched through the trees as Birch looked up suddenly, glancing around. "Mabel, toots, give me a moment. I think I forgot something at the house."

When Birch stood up and began walking towards their hiding place, Dipper realized too late that he had heard them speaking. Pacifica had become conscious of it too, whispering, "Dipper…?"

Birch shoved away the foliage, exposing the two twelve year olds. He stretched his mouth into a wide grin, so wide it seemed almost lunatic.

"Pine Tree!" he said, not dropping the smile. He peered at Pacifica. "And company! I'm so glad you could join the party!"


	8. I AM LORD VOLDEMORT

**Thank you to all my viewers! Almost 2,000 views! I hope you had a very happy Halloween!  
**

Dipper stumbled backward, only to hit a tree blocking his path. (Funnily enough, it was a pine tree.)

"You're not Lee, are you?" he said slowly.

If it was even possible, Birch Ellpi's smile stretched even farther. "Oh, of course I am!" he said. A shadow of darkness crept into his expression, so faint that Dipper almost didn't notice. "But since you're here, I might as well explain something: I'm not _just_ that idiot Lee. Can you guess why?"

Dipper knew. He had known in the back of his mind what was going on, ever since Birch called him "Pine Tree". Maybe even before that. But he also knew what it meant for rescuing Mabel.

"You're Bill Cipher," he said accusingly.

Birch laughed. "Look, everyone, the great Dipper Pines has figured it out!"

Dipper frowned. "But your eyes are normal." They were dark brown, Lee's original color.

"Contact lenses, Pine Tree," Birch said matter-of-factly. "A marvelous invention."

Dipper shuddered. Not so marvelous when you couldn't tell who was being possessed.

Birch/Bill smirked with satisfaction. He walked backward, letting Dipper and Pacifica have sufficient room to enter the clearing, or if they had the guts, to run away.

Pacifica's eyes were darting to the path that they had come from. Dipper shook his head at her; they still needed to rescue Mabel.

He tentatively stepped into the clearing and to his surprise, she followed.

Birch/Bill laughed his metallic laugh. "Good! Now, let me explain the genius of my plan before I SMITE you."

In spite of this, Dipper rolled his eyes. Good ol' Bill.

Bill was thoroughly enjoying this. He spread his arms wide, grinning. "First I found this idiot in the woods, perfect for my plan. Although I do say, he could have been handsomer. A few days of starvation and a shopping trip cured that, though. Anyway, I made a deal with him – something about a girlfriend – and there you have it!"

He pointed at Pacifica, who had risen her hand shakily as though in a classroom. "You there, in the blonde wig!"

"It is NOT a wig!" she snapped, her diva nature coming out despite the dire situation. "I mean, I want to know… what kind of a name is Erch Bellpi?"

Dipper couldn't keep a laugh from escaping. Bill, though, wasn't amused.

"ERCH BELLPI?" he shouted. "It's _Birch Ellpi_ , gorgeous. And for your information, it's an anagram for BILL CIPHER."

He held out a gloved hand and drew in the air the words "Birch Ellpi", which appeared in glowing smoke. Then he rearranged the letters to spell the one and only Bill Cipher's name.

"I saw that in a movie," Dipper couldn't resist muttering. "Completely unoriginal."

"There! See?" Bill snapped, ignoring Dipper and pointing at the now-dissipating letters. "Question answered?"

Pacifica, despite her obvious worries of being "smited" then and there, said, "Well, not really. I mean, come on, you could have chosen something _normal_ , like John Smith or something."

Birch/Bill rolled his eyes. "I don't have to listen to this."

He lit a blue fireball in one hand and hurled it at Pacifica.

"Duck!" Dipper shouted, and Pacifica squealed, dropping to the ground and scrambling away. Now she and Dipper were on opposite sides of the clearing with Bill in between them and an unconscious Mabel in the center.

Birch/Bill was laughing. "Hahaha, I got you!" he said delightedly. "That was a mirage! A complete illusion! And you stupid humans fell for it!"

Dipper slapped his forehead. _Are you kidding me?_ he thought.

He suddenly stood up straighter. That's it! "You don't have real power in this world," he said slowly to Bill, as though testing the theory out loud.

Bill stopped laughing. He walked up to Dipper, a full foot taller than him, and wagged a finger in his face. "That's what you think, Pine Tree! I may not be at full power here, but I can still cause you misery! Hallucinations, nightmares, the works! How would you like to wake up with a squirrel's nose where your mouth should be?"

Dipper took a step back. "Okay, okay." He looked over Bill/Birch's shoulder. "But if you're going to torture me, you'd probably want Mabel to see it."

Bill laughed again. "And you're suggesting this because you think I'm a complete idiot? Like I'm going to fall for your pathetic ruse. Shooting Star was bad enough. I've never seen a human so _peppy_. I'll be glad to get rid of her."

Dipper tried again. If Mabel didn't wake up, they were out of options.

"But if you hate her so much, why wouldn't you want to make her watch me die?"

Birch/Bill waved a hand. "There's time for vengeance on her later. First I need that interdimensional rift…"

For some reason, the anxious look on Dipper's face had been replaced with a slightly less anxious expression of triumph.

"Hey, Bill," he said. "I think three against one is pretty fair, don't you?"


	9. The Final Confrontation

**Thank you to all my followers! I believe this will be the last chapter, but let me know what you think!**

 _Two Days Earlier…_

If Bill Cipher had a mouth, he would have been smiling. The journals had given him everything he needed: where to find the ingredients for the spell, and what the incantation was. Now he was ready.

Ready to enchant Mabel Pines.

He found her in the yard of the Mystery Shack, hunting through the trash cans for something. There was an apparently magical rock hopping up and down next to her.

The spell wouldn't do her any permanent damage, maybe some memory loss, but Bill didn't especially care. The only problem was, the spell would only last for a day or two. There was no telling exactly when it would wear off, but Bill had to act quickly. And of course it would make her completely devoted to him.

Bill laughed to himself. This was going to be interesting.

Mabel hadn't noticed him yet. She was intent on rummaging through the trash, muttering to herself about someone named Marquavious. At last, she pulled out a rusty-looking birdcage triumphantly.

That was when Bill made himself known.

"Well, well, look who it is," he spoke up conversationally. "Shooting Star."

Mabel gasped, but it was too late. Bill started the incantation, and a swirling purple whirlpool of magic surrounded him, mesmerizing Mabel. Her eyes glazed over, and the birdcage dropped to her feet with a clatter, entirely forgotten.

 **XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

Present-Day…

Birch/Bill didn't have time to react. He had been distracted by Dipper for too long; Pacifica had seized the chance to wake Mabel up.

The spell completely wore off by the time Mabel realized what was going on. She caught Dipper's eye, nodding solemnly. For of course, she could hear their conversation, and Bill was explaining his plan to Dipper.

At that moment, Mabel was filled with rage. Rage at everything Bill had done. And she was going to get payback.

Mouthing "thanks" to Pacifica, Mabel stood silently to her feet and tackled her ex-boyfriend from behind.

He staggered, trying to throw her off, but she grabbed his tie and pulled.

Since they were in a forest, she had managed to get her hands on a short, fat branch, and she now used it to smack Birch/Bill on the head. "How – dare – you – do – that – to – me – you – stupid – triangle!" she shouted, punctuating her every word with a whack from the branch.

Dipper used this distraction to scamper away from the danger zone and fearfully cheer his sister on from the side. Pacifica joined him. He noticed her dress was ripped and her hair was untidy, but she didn't seem to care.

"Don't kill him, Mabel!" he advised loudly. "Wendy's friend is still in there!"

Mabel didn't have time to answer. She bashed Birch/Bill in the head and kicked him in the shins, but he was getting over his surprise. With one hand, he did his best to lift her off him and throw her to the ground.

"Do something!" she wailed before hitting the dirt.

Dipper began to sweat. He had seconds, maybe less, to come up with a plan, but acting without thinking was not his forte. He hopelessly scanned their surroundings, begging for a miracle, when something moving caught his eye.

It was Marquavious, the pet rock.

Dipper couldn't believe it, but he didn't have any other ideas. He raced over to the leaf pile the rock was squirming in and picked it up; it was heavier than a baseball, but light enough to carry in one hand.

He stumbled back over to the clearing, taking aim at the swirling figures of Bill and Mabel.

He hesitated. He didn't want to hit Mabel… "I don't think I can –"

Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Give it to me." She grabbed the rock and hurled it at Birch Ellpi.

Dipper held his breath. The rock seemed to be moving in slow motion. If Pacifica's aim was even just a bit inaccurate…

But the rock's trajectory held true. It hit Bill square in the back of the head just as he was about to deliver the finishing blow to Mabel, and his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped to the ground.

Bill's triangular form tumbled out of Lee's body. He spun in the air, righting himself and fixing his top hat.

"You have no idea what you've done!" he spat ominously. "Each time you 'defeat' me, you're only delaying the inevitable! Like your death!"

He cackled wildly, doing a somersault in the air. "But mark my words, I'll be back. Next time, with a simple, straightforward plan of trickery. No more pretending to be some love-struck boyfriend for Shooting Star!"

He faded into the black sky, still laughing madly.

"Stupid triangle!" Mabel shouted, fuming. She spat blood out of her mouth, crossing her arms.

Dipper rushed to her side, Pacifica behind him. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

Mabel nodded, dropping her gaze. "I can't believe he tricked me," she said quietly. "It was all magic. He put a spell on me."

Dipper helped his sister to her feet. "It's okay," he said soothingly. "We're okay now. Let's go eat dinner; it's past eight o'clock already."

Mabel didn't move. "It's not okay," she said. "He wanted Ford's snow globe thing. I should have done something. I wasn't even really under the spell much today – I think it was wearing off. There were so many signs that he was evil… I'm sorry, Dipper. It was my fault."

Dipper hugged her. "Hey," he said, smiling. "If you think about it, the only person whose fault it is is Bill."

She gave him a small smile in return. "Thanks, bro-bro."

Pacifica cleared her throat. "Uh, guys?" she said, putting a hand on her hip. "I kind of think I deserve an explanation. Like, what was that creep? And why is some triangle trying to take over the universe?"

Dipper exchanged a glance with Mabel. He didn't see how they could avoid telling her, and plus, she had just saved Mabel's life…

"We'll tell you over dinner," he decided. "Now can we please go eat?"


End file.
